Chelsea Handler covers the new issue of Redbook, for some reason. Blah. I guess she’s promoting her E! show, and maybe her NBC show with Laura Prepon. How’s that show doing? The commercials for it look absolutely terrible. Like, I actually wince. I’m not saying that every TV show has to have a “likeable” main character (in fact, it’s more interesting if the lead is not likeable), but shouldn’t the main character – who is based on Chelsea – be interesting enough to want to follow? Isn’t that the crux of good writing? You want to see what happens, you want to follow those characters. With a character based on Chelsea, you know what happens. She gets drunk. She makes tasteless jokes about her vadge. Rinse and repeat.
Anyway, about the Redbook interview. She’s full of it. She’s still talking about her BFF Jennifer Aniston and how tight they are. She’s also trying to become some advocate for anti-bullying I guess. This is the woman who ranted and raved about Angelina being a “f–king c–t” and “f–king bitch” and makes racist “jokes” about children. Yes, Chelsea is such an amazing anti-bullying role model. And did she mention she’s BFFs with ANISTON?!!?!?
Thanksgiving with Aniston: “Jen and Justin came to my house for Thanksgiving with 18 of my staff members. And so what?”
BFFs with Aniston and Reese Witherspoon too: “I mean, Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down to earth, low-key people I know. She’s just a regular girl. And Reese is the same way. I mean you can’t have friendships that aren’t based on realness. I’m not going to treat them any differently than I would any other of my friends.”
Women have to stick together: “I read this cheesy quote once: ‘Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours glow brighter.’ We women have to stick together. People ask me why I’m so hard on men. It’s because they’ve gotten a really easy ride. And it’s not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50. I’m very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter. I like having a fraternity. I like girls and boys together, misfits and underdogs—I love underdogs. I was an underdog. I’ve always felt bad for the girl who was left out.”
On 50 Cent: “I wasn’t like ‘Oh, I’m going to marry 50 Cent…’ I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He’s very sweet and antithetical to what you’d think of him. I bought [my Bentley] when I was dating 50 Cent. He came over with a Ferrari one night, and I’m like Watch this. So I got a Bentley. Meanwhile, he never even bought that Ferrari. He took it on loan. And here I am, Ahhh…I just bought this Bentley.”
The bullied becomes the bully: “I was tortured [in high school], and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied—so much so that there were days when I was like, ‘I can’t go to school today.’ I was too scared. They’d call me a dog, and bark at me and say, ‘You’re fat. You’re ugly.’ The girl who used to torture me, the ringleader, showed up backstage at one of my concerts in Newark. I looked at her and said, ‘I know you.’ And she went, [high-pitched voice] ‘Ahhh, I’m so sorry for having tortured you in high school!’ And I said, ‘I’m so over it. Actually, thank you, because you gave me the impetus to be successful.’”
Is she just that lacking in self-awareness, or is this all a game to her? Does she actually know what she’s doing – consciously mean-girling the “bitches” and “c–nts” while proclaiming to be all about the sisterhood, all as some kind of PR game? Or does she not even realize what an enormous hypocritical a–hole she is?